Saturday, August 18, 2012

Tough Love

Normally, I am not the kind of person who would argue or question somebody's statements. Somebody who is much older and experienced than me. Today, was just not that day. The minute this older, much experienced person told me that the prayer he just prayed for Ayaan works on farm animals and dogs, I couldn't take another word from this person and rephrased the statement the way I understood it. I said " So, by what you just
said, you mean that Ayaan is like a farm animal and a dog? What works for animals works for my Son? Everybody in the room was shell shocked. Those kind of words and that tone of voice is very unlike me. The silence in the room conveyed the message that I was way too wrong in confronting this older much experienced person. I must have been wrong in confronting him, but as a Mom, standing up for my Son, was definitely the right thing to do.

The prayer is from the holy Quraan and yes, it surely it has a much broader meaning and reach than just for calming farm animals and dogs. But, saying the prayer for Ayaan and encouraging Nasir to use it on Ayaan whenever he misbehaves and explaining that it has been very successful on farm animals and dogs, was too much for me to take lightly. I know if I probably used a different tone of voice, the situation would have been different. But, given the circumstances, it was just not possible for me to smile or overlook his "politically incorrect" statement. I was furious.

Part of my anger had also stemmed from what happened last night at my house during the Iftaar party.  This older much experienced person tried to discipline my kid for a whole 15-20 minutes. I did not question or say one single word because I was told that Ayaan disrespected him. Apparently, instead of putting the blocks back in the box, Ayaan threw some plastic blocks at his face and when asked/ordered to apologize, he wouldn't apologize. Saying sorry when ordered and when we have not done anything wrong is hard for us grown ups. Ayaan is just 3. I am sure Ayaan didn't mean to hurt or disrespect him. He was probably just playing. But obviously, this older much experience person took it personally and was very offended. He instantly decided to take charge of the situation by taking him outside, making Ayaan sit on top of his car and  disciplining him.

Ayaan has definitely been shaken up by the whole new discipline approach. He is scared of his new well wisher and was actually hiding behind me to avoid him. Thinking that he was bothering me and the rest, the older much experienced person ordered Ayaan to come to him. Ayaan bursted out in tears and that is when the prayer was read for him. He followed the prayer with his demeaning explanation and I retaliated.

Later on, this older much experienced person and I sorted out our differences with Hummu as the moderator. He said that his statements are not always "politically correct" and that he meant well. He would not have said anything if he didn't love Ayaan. He clarified that the prayer is good for all of God's creation-farm animals, dogs and humans. Yes, by choosing to discipline my Son, he must be having his best interest in his mind. But approving this kind of tough love is  just too hard for me.

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